Break Within My Grasp

I smile when I’m happy and yet I smile as I’m crying. I hide from all the others, but for you I’m desperately trying to bring forth every notion and every motion encompassing all your thoughts…fleeting as they may be.
The simple flowing breeze reminds me of all the wonder that fills my head every time I hear you…and every second of each hour I wonder just when I’ll see you
Once again
I’m lost within these words because I wish God wrote them in my pages. Sages will earn visions when I pay for and pry open rusted, locked up cages holding the things to be aware of.
I’m incredibly scared of you.
You may believe in every written language
The meanings of certain phrases
The analogies of how to gauge true love
Above all else, letters meet each other, conjoin and gather other words to assemble other paragraphs and it continues to build until stories come alive.
Mountains arise.
Two separate worlds collide.
I’m waiting inside this body of mine to watch you approach and look after the time. Don’t be fearful when the clock strikes midnight. You’ve already won the glass, but my foot may shrink and my hands will be cold and my tongue is now numb from every song that’s been sung on the disc I yearned to record for you.

But I restrained myself

My teeth pulled away from your skin, letting pureness bleed within because I can’t kill this commitment with my bitter intentions. I can’t give in to roadside directions when people write mischief. They slander the sacred.
I’m taken.
I’m bitter.
I’m ready to sink in
Save me from this storyline. You’re the faithful, strong beat of my heart. Your organs pump red. Mine wither black and entangled fibers. Attaching my lashes to wrinkled, ugly, wonderful, genius creation.
Maybe in three years His brilliance will see how hands can switch all the bolts that used to fix cut up hedges. I’m over with senseless confusions and replies of indecisive conclusions. Give me answers! That’s all that I’m asking for and if you can’t say yes to this simple request, how dare you keep knocking down this silent, cold door.
Break within my grasp and say yes to all the under linings. Inclined to halt, the water withers within salty tears.
Fear is a

Lonely

Man who can’t decide until his chances fry and become invisible to the naïve, naked, wise eyes.

He says he's changed
He says he's stopped the addiction
He says he'll make an effort
To dial the numbers and write the notes and plan the days and see my face
But even as these words trickle off his tongue I remember every lie and every sigh passing from innocent mouths on cold, hard nights when tears dropped down, soaking faded linen.
Does he honestly expect to impress me with these "changes"?
Maybe he's rid himself of the naked reality, but that doesn't mean that magazines don't lurk beneath his covers and warm his skin every moment temptation tugs
Every smile fades once the night falls
Leaving no more time to act
He's lost that chance countless times. One apple pie won't make up for hidden messages.

If ever there was hope, he never expressed desire to lock it in my heart
So where are these words coming from!?
An awkward soul...that is he.
Change is not what I want
Change will never be
Nor ever bring connection, expression, passion, and reaction---this is for what i crave
For now his reactions are one gaze followed by an indescribable evaporation.

So we'll eat and dance and drive
But that one night means nothing. Not to me. It can't
And dancing will not break the white clouds I set sight upon
Eating will divide between our leather pockets
...i think?
And that question posed must stay, for I have not figured out where to end this possibility. My answer will break. My answer might take that cute crooked grin.
But how could he ever expect otherwise? That's the question I choose to pose.
When did I cross the line and when did he follow? Maybe the events rolled in reverse.



So I'll respond with a no
And the night shall echo.

Someday

Someday this will end and our jewels will all be in place
We'll have won the map and dug up the mohagany chest oozing with riches and light
But for now, only elements of promise contain our absolute hope
Nothing else deserves such trust
So When?
And Where?
And How?
Will the minutes creep by or will they chase after the hours and the seconds
The months and the years
The questions and the confusion
That breathes through my brain
There's comfort in sweet daydreams
So I'll kiss his chest and all the while, across the way leaning on brick,
Stands my heart
Stands the choice of where to lead and how to guard
Every X holds a treasure and every "why?" brings an answer from He who knows where curved dots lead and where low and high bumps lie
Someday we'll see what was predestined and how we ever got through it because right now
I feel as if I fight just to fight it and then bleed just to win it
Selfless sacrifice runs down tears, touching both sinful souls and innocent hands
How can there ever be purpose from such broken bones?
The toothless smiles frazzle emotion
Yet a million words will never reach one heart
I'm sick of such hypocrisy!
Just lending a moment
Would help you to see
That maybe we will one day be
Caught up in forest hills naked and free, but giving all we have left
To that one toothless man

And I'll praise the mountains
While laughing away every ideology belonging to fools who have no sense but think they hold the earth because they are who they are and that means they'll be
A mind...
A change...
A rescue plan.
Rescue me then! But these thoughts birthed ages ago and not once have I experienced focused results
My eyes are open, but your mind is closed
Someday we'll both have tears in our eyes.
From joy?
From pain?
Well, I Don't Know, but someday we will finally see
If we were ever meant to be...

Dancing on hilltops

10:32 pm

Purple thoughts.
Why is it so confuuuusing? I hear all the words and i read all the lines, but nowhere does there seem to be that CLICK.
Sometimes I wish for yarn. Sometimes I wish that the barrier between us would shatter like country walls. I drive along the road. The clouds are so high and so distant.
I hate them for that.
What we all really need is a day of focused redemption. Take some time from the radio static and the buzzing monitors and the pencil sharpeners and the screen savers. This is what will someday awaken such desire for a sense of completion. Those electronics and virtual distractions help blind us of the world and help plug out the truth behind corruption.
One morning I was sitting in the passengers seat and thought, 'here i am in a vehicle. A polluting vehicle on a paved road where construction workers can't seem to put their efforts into something that will actually have positive benefits. I mean, why fix something that's not broken? Honestly...but anyway I was sitting there and I was looking up at the sky. The sky is blue. The sky is not to be touched and yet everyone strives to travel such lengths to see beyond it. My heart thumped for just a brief second. It wasn't even a second. Less than a second. That's when I understood why our world is like it is. There's this impenetrable fence, or net more like it, keeping us from everything. We're stuck, and yeah, we feel some spirituality seep through the small holes, but really....we're stuck. Stuck. Life is precious and we're stuck. That brief less-than-second moment just made me want to cry. But not fully weep...just cry for that split moment of time and let everything out in such a quick way. Seeping out and i'm slipping down. It was then that I realized how much my life is yearning for that wholeness because everything we go through in time is so small in comparison to what we're striving for. Maybe it's books and knowledge and poetry and science and love and coffee that keep us all sane, but maybe they're exactly what are tearing us apart as well.'

And the days are like a mass heron attack on the seas of our hearts but also the booming sound of every voice and every tear and every step travelled on this green, telephone pole, beautiful, civilized, wondrous, creative, uncivilized, mistaken land.

Magic Clouds Wisp Slowly By

Magic clouds wisp slowly by
As icy power flows and flies
Along dark lashes, focused high
To gaze at wond’rous skies of Thine

So slow life goes when hope is torn
Between the love of crown and thorn
I thought that winter would resolve
All my questioning involved
Beginning from the last, sad year
Of other silent, drying tears

Now when sugar warms the air
Frozen arms avoid my glares
And frozen hearts are scared to dare

I promised once the snow did fall
My longing stand from weakened crawls
The magic clouds I see above
Used to wake in me, the love
And wonder
Awe
Belief.
Now gentle snow’s become a thief
Stealing two-year fantasies
Like it stole earth’s Autumn leaves

Wet cold ice touches fingertips
Freezing hands, and dried blue lips
That used to sing a warming song
About my future, affirmed and strong

Now this years’ snow does really show
My ignorance of how I’ll grow
I am unaware today

What the forecast holds at bay

Winter Tale

This winter tale does not explain
Fuzzy thoughts, or cookie brains
Santa Claus’ rosy cheeks
Or festive songs that last for weeks
Instead, this winter, read to you
A story shared from four faith views
They talk about a King of Kings
The Lord of Lords of whom we sing
During church the Eve of Love
The baby birthed to rescue us
The skies so black, yet mottled white
A star above shone toward that sight

I wish I were alive back then
To witness Mary’s cry and grin
As she hugged her sinless kin
And kissed his soft, cold, wrinkled skin

I wish I had been there to see
Joseph’s face burst into glee
When Baby gurgles broke our plea
And animals bowed rev’rently

I wish I were alive that night
To see my Savior bundled tight
To see who’d come to live God’s light
And beat dark Satan through Love’s fight

I wish I had been there to hear
The donkey’s haw and silent tears
The fumbling sheep that filled with fear
When wood creaked loudly as wind jeered

I wish I had been there to touch
The child’s hand, so small and bunched
His outreached palm, I’d run to clutch
The hand of whom I love so much

But most of all I wish I’d feel
Today, his presence, clear and real
His might to mend and words that heal
The aching hole which will not seal

For Christmas wishes musn’t be
For bulging socks or lit-up trees
Instead remember others’ needs
Letting go of selfish greed

Encompass innocence renewed
Beginning from His birth, so new
The pureness in His face of truth
The pureness veiled in all our youth