Fearful Heartbeat

If ever I do perish in the night,
please take the mem'ries that we've held so dear
and bind them to the everlasting light
of promise I believed could leave me here

Don't hold me mad an instant that comes forth,
but stroke my death with loving sweet caress
The voice that whispers soft mine ear, goes hoarse
with tears I hoped would fall, I must confess

But now in time, these words must not apply
For here our youth remains a speckled hope
Our lips can touch today I am alive
and in your arms, there lies no need to cope

Such fear of mourning now turns dark and numb
My heart beats loud and fierce as pounding drums

Fearing Risk

Wrote this sometime in early April

I never want to lose my head
I refuse to let my heart fly free
My honest thoughts,
They're just my own
Aware of possibilities

No matter what we say right now
My sword won't bend
My head won't bow
down to one whom won't be there
To catch my tears
To stroke my hair
For I am scared to death, I fear
Since you're the one who'll cause the pain
I hoped would never haunt again,
My soul
And every battered claim

Alone, I face my sole obsession
And this I write, my whole confession
I miss you now. I miss your face
For just most days, my chest does ache
But I may never tell you this
For fear that I am not your wish
And we will keep our first last kiss
A thought.

One is Gone

You looked me in the eye today
But quickly blinked to turn away
With anger resting 'pon your heart
That pierces me with icy darts
You say no words to no reply
I say a prayer for this goodbye
Cause I will never understand
How you could kill such sacred land
That held us close and gave us home
From loneliness, a sweet abode
You wish to leave, to find a place
Of freedom, with a distant space
Between three friends who shared a bond
Now two and one, and one is gone
I've seen your hurt, I'll leave you be
If happiness is far from me

Small Voice

When I am afraid
I hide in myself
In my room
In the gloom
Of my wooden bookshelves

In my notebooks
The lined brook
That seems lost behind trees
The waves iced in winter
Now sings with the spring

I hide in such color
The blue, inky mess
The secret obsessions
Only pens dare confess
I can free all my fury in one flow of rhymed lines
I can see all my failures and the death of lost time

I know now that words who dare sit 'pon my tongue
Must be said through my fears and a mouth that goes numb
For words can be quiet when glazed over by fear
Tears fall in silence to a closed, happy ear
No problem 'comes solved
No truth is sought out
'Till that voice,
That small voice,
Screams out all its doubt

Tears

Tears
Are so contradictory
They plead for recognition
Yet hate to be seen by those who have caused them

Streaming down your face
Wiped away but never fully dried
And they refuse to stop.
Once tears come crashing down
There’s no quick solution
No speedy recovery
You just need to hide away
And float
Be alone
Talk
Yell
Scream
Stab someone
With the hot icicles streaming out your lids
Hoping that possibly, such a wound as that could hurt like the one bleeding from your back
Because it hurts to stand
And let your mind wander
Cause your eyes will still water
It hurts to look another in the eye
Knowing everything’s a lie
Nothing is for certain
No one is forever
Because Everyone Surrenders

For Years that Burn out Bright

He said he would never go away
and she said she would always be there

with the golden promise twinkling in their eyes
they broke the rules together.
he took a job in Dover
and she waitressed lonely nights
The days grew fingers, long and pointed
for Blame replaced endearment
fights and shouts now came each day
bringing tears to soak her pillow,
asking softly why she stayed
and he could never find that smile from the girl who'd said "I do"
he lost her in his Absence
she lost him in her truth
time could pass without one word
until one day she packed up
bringing about his biggest Fear

the woman he had loved so much
had now the skin he could not touch

Vermont Writes Day

Listen, I'm ready to talk. I'm ready to look you in the eye and speak my heart. Ever since we met I knew there was something more. And if the future holds pain for me, I need you to know that I will never turn around and cry in sorrow because I've gained such happiness in the past four months. You have changed my life. You have changed my heart and that is why I need you to
Listen.
I love you. And if I'm wrong about this being true, I still know that you live in a sacred place within my heart. You have given me such confidence and joy just by knowing you're alive. You walk this earth. You are the fire in my hearth and you are the reason for this mirth.
If ever I have hurt you, made you fall upon the floor
I'm so sorry.
Because now I realize that deep within my core lies the power to send mixed signals and end our relationship, but I also hold the power to mend what I have broken. You are my token. You have my heart. In the deep ocean of emotion, I'll never let you drown and from the heights and which I hold you, I'll never let you down.
I love you. I've loved you all along, so here's the key to my heart. Unlock it. Here's the key to my mind. Come read it. Here are the depths of my soul. Come cherish it.
So now that I've let this all out. Now that you know I won't turn back around, do you feel the same way? Would you die for me? Cry if I had tears in my eyes? Would all of your emotions exhale with a sigh? I just pray to God that he'll hear my plea.
Thank you for listening.

I don't

I don't want a maybe answer
I don't need a cure for love
I'm not the girl to cry in sight
Of those whom may be gone

I can't take another fright
And I won't fake a smile bright
To shine past each and every tear
To come within a solid year

He says it's love
And I've replied
With those three words
She thinks we lie.

It's not for her to preach what's right
From just her sight of outward plights
I hate control and empty guilt
The pointing finger makes me wilt

While bubbling on my mouth, a scream
I keep within
Content, I seem
For only God shall be the one
To guide, to lead, protect me from
false motives

Yet she's not here to judge our words
She says truth that break my swords
I know each fault, but this is fine
And she will never take what's mine