Insides Out

I want to throw up
I want to gag myself
Get all my insides out so I can't feel them twist like this anymore
I
-am
---so
----pathetic.
Or maybe I'm too deep
Maybe I just think too much
Allowing this turmoil to seep throughout my bloodstream
Because I can feel my heart
Suffocating.

My questions sound pathetic to my own eardrums
So I answer myself to calm down

If I were shallow I could write off this worry and soul
I could blind myself by a reflection
So I wouldn't have to see what lies beneath this porcelain skin
Then I could breathe easy again

But I don't think I could leave my soul so quickly, even if I wanted to.
I am too entangled by these questions and regrets and old suggestions I once heard
Too entangled like intestines
twisting in and out around my core

But there's not much I can do
Because I hate my own vomit.

Walk on Water

Walk me across the water now
In the cool morning as I wade to see your face
Show me its reflection, in the rising, changing, waves
Reveal to me, your eyes and skin,
Remedies of healing that bleed so deep within
Let me touch your sandals now
To feel their grace swim through these lifeless veins
I am weak without you
I am sick without you
I am dead without you
Oh, Jesus
Walk with me across the lake
So I may find some faith
Oh, Jesus
I am not myself today
Where is my soul? Where is my Soul?
And why can I not walk upon this water?