Insides Out

I want to throw up
I want to gag myself
Get all my insides out so I can't feel them twist like this anymore
I
-am
---so
----pathetic.
Or maybe I'm too deep
Maybe I just think too much
Allowing this turmoil to seep throughout my bloodstream
Because I can feel my heart
Suffocating.

My questions sound pathetic to my own eardrums
So I answer myself to calm down

If I were shallow I could write off this worry and soul
I could blind myself by a reflection
So I wouldn't have to see what lies beneath this porcelain skin
Then I could breathe easy again

But I don't think I could leave my soul so quickly, even if I wanted to.
I am too entangled by these questions and regrets and old suggestions I once heard
Too entangled like intestines
twisting in and out around my core

But there's not much I can do
Because I hate my own vomit.