Happy Birthday Week, Krissy=)

Early on in Fall ‘07
God was far away in heaven
He looked into my life to see
I was broken, no longer me

So once I joined this school that year
God heard my fears, He saw my tears
I prayed for friendship, strong and deep
Fellowships that I would keep

That is when I met you, friend
I felt as if my pain did end
You were loud, outgoing, fun
Your laugh could always bring the sun

Through the months, we grew and grew
Until this year and now we’re true
Friends with secrets, joys, and pains
We’ve shared so much, we’ve crossed our lanes

Random threads on Facebook walls
Jesus told you, “Bring on the moles!”
New Year’s Eve with funny sights
And those Jo Bro pants were way too tight

Your mothers’ baking warms my tummy
When I’m with you, I’m never crummy
We were the monarchs of squash and the gourds!
But Miss Lav made us decapitate Lucie with field hockey swords

The Twilight movie seemed all right
But you closed your eyes at Jacob Black’s sight
You’ve made me want to read Jane Austen
And other lit’rature you’ve gotten lost in

You’ve brought such laughter, so much joy
You’ve listened to my rants on boys
Dirty looks to Jake Lee’s eyes
When I fall down, you make me rise

So, Krissy Blow, I say to thee
Thank you for being friends with me
I don’t know where I’d be without
Your loving smile and excited shouts

Happy birthday, My Dear Friend
I love you so, until the end!

It's Fifty Percent You

It's half of me
But I was scared
Too fearful of that selfish dare
To make a sound
And take the plunge
To speak all thoughts upon my tongue

Let's both break through the ticking clock
Unlock my heart. Come break the rock
You've had the key so long, alas
You never knew the tears that passed
From month to month, all hope was lost
Now have my heart, see it, not dross

And let me see you stay right by
'Cause in the future, shoulders cry
I'll have yours? I give you mine.
I give you all my hidden lines
I give my word, my bashful mind

Every hope has proven true
And every dream I have of you
Joyfully endows sweet rest
Since you have aced each stressful test

And I still laugh 'cause you don't see
How much your life does mean to me
How every breath and every word
Affirms that you do walk this earth
You are hot fire inside my hearth
You are the reason for this mirth

So why, you ask?
Because I do. Because I trust and see into
Your eyes, so honest, glued me fast
To make me see that this must last
To make me see behind your mask

And 'bout the time I gave up trying
Was when you said how you'd been lying
Funny how that's what I needed
I was sick of all my pleading
But now is now and now I'll say
All the words I left at bay

Like I'll be here when skies fall down
And you will wear the purple crown
In emotional oceans, I won't let you drown
For I will never turn back around

How could I?
Why would I?
Unless it's for you
Unless it would make your life feel renewed
How could I?
Why would I?
Unless it's for you
Unless it would make this heartbeat more true

Kiss the Moon

Kiss the moon
Shoot the sun
Cry out loud
And break the tongue
Feel a heart
Speak out truth
Slip away
But keep the youth
Alive.

Hold the innocence renewed
Time can't heal each, deathly wound
Some will flee beneath thy skin
But most will scar 'pon layered sin
Some will treat while days do pass
But most trap life within the past

So how can stitches fall apart?
Make the bruise a work of art?
How can breaks and aches be healed?
Full on through as holes can seal.

I believe in sacrifice
I read his word. He needs my life.
With all its blemished shell and heart
With all the damaged works of art
One soft touch can break on through
Treating tears,
I am renewed.

Oceanic Riverbed

Thank you for the words you wrote
On that long and honest note
Stranded by the castle’s moat
Testing you while waters rose

And I was a dam with bitter convictions
You were the ocean of hard-rock decisions
So the dam had a token and broke through its walls
While the ocean’s emotions would rise and then fall
So wise and so tall, it beat through the days
Alone, and so peaceful ‘till skies became hazed
The beavers of pureness left for new homes
‘Cause the surface of water filled with shark bones

Sharp were the swords of the fish, so unclean
Dirty the sea with new matter. The queen
Of moat’s castle came down to yell forth,
“Depart you two cores! Uncover your worth!”
She leaned ‘gainst the railing with husband at side
The King, held her sweetly, as royal waves sighed

So the dam and the ocean continued to seep
Yet saw all their damage and started to weep
Clinging too closely, for they were now one
Crying morosely at the damage they’d done

To simply be parted was the worst ache of heart
That’s why dam killed the wall at the start
Now disputes flowed and the monarchs dove in
Stuck on both sides, mutated by sin
“We bless this reunion, we call forth the saints!
And they’ll baptize your depths, erase all the stains.”
At that exact moment, the beavers returned
Salt withered up and algae was burned
Swordfish sought friendship, forgetting their weapons
Shark bones were buried ’neath soiled complexions

Then the two bodies united in love
Chanting the message of white, gleaming doves
That’s when pure joy will arouse to all ears
The night of the day when both mothers leak tears

Communication [Old]

Communication has died this day and age
Everytime something hits
You just try to turn the page
I'm sick and tired of the things you keep missing
When you say that you're going to listen
Then move away
And say goodbye
Why won't you wipe these tears from my eyes?

I know it's easier to be locked in a cage
You can Hide behind bars
Never have to act on stage
Giving yourself away
Feeling life within
Instead of wondering about what "could have been"

Make your move
Now's your chance
Don't you dare lose
And avoid my glance

It's time to face it
Things are changing
Why deny it
And continue contemplating?

Take the Change [Old]

We can never go back
When we were so safe
Holding our mother's hand
Trying to get to the playground
Everything was a dream
Life was a smooth river
The worst fear was falling down
How did we get here so fast?
We're not so safe anymore
Our fears have increased
Life is now a wavy ocean
Everything is changing before my eyes
Time races by me
And I can't catch it
Someone hold my hand and I'll squeeze it back
I was never ready to let go
Not Yet.
We'll help each other
I'll follow you through the whizzing seconds, minutes, hours, days, and years
To a time when I'm strong enough
To loosen my grip. To face all these fears.
But even then
Will you stay by my side?
Maybe when we're together
We can stop time
Stop all this change
We can run against the wind, wild and free
Stop the clouds from racing by
Stop everyone that's leaving
Stop the change
Take the change
Away.

Sweet-Nothings

This is from last april or may i believe. Writing conference '08

He was always good at hiding things
Like secrets in a drawer
Never did I expect a word of truth out of that foul mouth
and yet i still wanted assurance
I would listen to all he had to offer
All he had to say
Knowing it was only words. Hollow. Empty
Words
And yet they sounded so amazing
So delicious
Like an apple on a hot summer's day
Or chocolate covered strawberries

I listened because I wanted to
And because I didn't want to as well
He always gave me those compliments
The, "You're so wonderful" line
And in my mind I knew they were just honey-covered sweet-nothings
Buzzing in my ears
But my heart still pounded to the beat of his feet
Trodding on pavement

That smile. That dimple just diagonal of his few freckles around his nose
They spoke to me in a way simple talking would never achieve

I loved this boy
But why?
I asked myself that question
Over and over
With never an answer to make me say
"Ahhh...of course"

For all those compliments...
Just hollow
Just empty
Just space
Words.
Nothing I could touch
Beyond heart wrestling minds
I was caught in a cycle that never would cease

The longer I listened
The more I wanted his arms around my waist
It would never happen though
Never
I couldn't bear it
Not again

Oh, I love him.

Beauty From Pain

You’ll never know until you try
’Cause you can’t laugh until you cry
You can’t dance before you crawl
Or know forgiveness without a brawl
I’d want love that knew deep pain
Because it’d see what it could gain
It would humbly go through life
Aware of all incoming strife
Yet still so eager just to live
Just to breathe, to take and give

My life’s revolved ‘round things to fear
We’ve been taught to run from tears
Yet how do flowers come to bloom?
Sun shines death without the gloom
Life is lost if lost is pain
We’d be shriveled without the rain
Plants would wither while trees would wane

Let's both try to lose the game.

The Sunflower Holds a Black Middle {EPIC POEM}

They’ve been here since the seventh ember
That smoldered hot with zeal
Connected two unexpected souls
Those feelings fiercely unraveled as dead coal warming a winter fire
Powdery, cold
Mysterious and small
And yet it heats to embrace the one who believed all to be lost
The night before unlucky days
Unlucky fate
Such loving gates

I opened up unwillingly to take his tanned hands in mine
Moving to music
Fingers so crumpled
He was confused. As was I
Ending in frustration, the night fell down
His lips were tight and eager
Waiting months for aged arrival
And still received rejection
I never meant to play those cards so freely
Queens and hearts are all he sought
But he never talked
And there was no way I could listen when I longed to
Club him with spades
Black eyed tears
While the suicide king broke away

So when the sky invited the sun once more, my heart felt used and ready to surrender
We got in the car and drove
Drove
Drove
To a house of generosity
And I’m not sure when you noticed me
All I know is that day changed everything
Brought clarity
Brought a future
But most of all it brought you
A prize so valuable that I had no right to touch
Yet I still long to so much that it’s obvious
I was never meant to be
Yoked to donkeys
As handsome as they may seem

The day drew on slowly, but the night flew so fast
I asked for your future
And you begged for my past
I’m not sure what brought on such strict solutions
And I still pray they’re not your only conclusion

Internal battles ensued
Fighting the one who remains anonymous
Emotional overload and when the Book opens
Answers flow out
Selflessness
There is no choice because decisions have been made
All that’s left to do is follow
Follow
Follow
Down this unknown path of months and years
Clarity converted to confusion
I never realized your page is still the first
Of my seventy-three blank lines
Awaiting approval
And it shall never come
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
For something else
Something real
And I know that it’s so selfish
And I know that I’m too pushy
‘Cause when my eyes are stuck on marble,
We’re not sharing too much, really
I’m too sworn by my secrets
And I’m too lost in your mind
That I’ll never let these feelings swim to the surface
Exposing me
Exposing dreams
Exposing thoughts and all my hidden facts
Like I cried yesterday
And I prayed like I used to
When I’d stare out the car window on my way to school thinking how everything had died in nine sad months
I cried yesterday
And I’ll lie to you tomorrow
I’ll suck it up inside this vacuum of mine
But the truth is
I’m NOT too scared to try
I’m ready
Eager
Waiting
Praying
Changing
Everyday
But it shall never come
Because you may never say
What Daniel told our God that Day
I wrote you a letter once
But I threw it away within your file
Scared you might read it
And see past my smile
Hiding
Hiding
Hiding
Yearning and striving to do what is right
In His perfect sight
Lying and crying while sighing a blessing
Now that I know that your thoughts are not mine
These reflections are different
Foggy, then clear
It’s like the future keeps changing when our heartbeats are near
To each other
I see now, my flaws. My bitter tongue flares
I spit out these words like I don’t even care
But I do! Oh, I do! If only you knew how confused is this pen when my writing ‘comes skewed
These patterns are changing and my methods are dark
He knows how I feel while I know what to do
How hard! How far? How far will I go before you beg for me back
I’m happy
I promise
And I refuse to deny you that right
You deserve it more than I ever will
It’s yours and you’ll take it with not one doubtful doubt
Maybe the only key to my thoughts are these words
I act like I’m strong, but I’m too weak to open
My mouth and answer one simple question
Fear controls mankind
Cuddles into our minds
The devil’s favorite trick under greed
It’s the seed of my failures
But I’m not scared to try
I’m scared of giving when nothing will come
Nothing can come
Because we’re separate skewed segments on two different planes
Flying away
Being fooled
Over
And over
And over
Again
Over
And over
And over
Again
So I’ll lay down the weapons and I’ll
Drive, drive, drive, drive
Follow and follow
Just to wait, wait, hide, wait.
So what if I cry a bit?
And who will know if I lied a bit?
That will not matter
Because I’m simply going to
Deny a lot
Over and over and over
Again
Over and over
Now read this
Again.

Maroon

It started as a joke but then my mouth refused to laugh
He looked into my future
Wanting more than just a past
But I kept him in his car
And his effort lacked the truth
Nothing from that mouth whispered pain of handsome youth
His golden face impressed me we fought a constant war
The magazines gripped at my thoughts and I sent him to dark sores
Maroon was like that day when every touch brought hope and praise
Dark enough to bring an end
But red like love and scattered brains.

It was Something that would change us, cry with us, and use up every heart.