The Sunflower Holds a Black Middle {EPIC POEM}

They’ve been here since the seventh ember
That smoldered hot with zeal
Connected two unexpected souls
Those feelings fiercely unraveled as dead coal warming a winter fire
Powdery, cold
Mysterious and small
And yet it heats to embrace the one who believed all to be lost
The night before unlucky days
Unlucky fate
Such loving gates

I opened up unwillingly to take his tanned hands in mine
Moving to music
Fingers so crumpled
He was confused. As was I
Ending in frustration, the night fell down
His lips were tight and eager
Waiting months for aged arrival
And still received rejection
I never meant to play those cards so freely
Queens and hearts are all he sought
But he never talked
And there was no way I could listen when I longed to
Club him with spades
Black eyed tears
While the suicide king broke away

So when the sky invited the sun once more, my heart felt used and ready to surrender
We got in the car and drove
Drove
Drove
To a house of generosity
And I’m not sure when you noticed me
All I know is that day changed everything
Brought clarity
Brought a future
But most of all it brought you
A prize so valuable that I had no right to touch
Yet I still long to so much that it’s obvious
I was never meant to be
Yoked to donkeys
As handsome as they may seem

The day drew on slowly, but the night flew so fast
I asked for your future
And you begged for my past
I’m not sure what brought on such strict solutions
And I still pray they’re not your only conclusion

Internal battles ensued
Fighting the one who remains anonymous
Emotional overload and when the Book opens
Answers flow out
Selflessness
There is no choice because decisions have been made
All that’s left to do is follow
Follow
Follow
Down this unknown path of months and years
Clarity converted to confusion
I never realized your page is still the first
Of my seventy-three blank lines
Awaiting approval
And it shall never come
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting
For something else
Something real
And I know that it’s so selfish
And I know that I’m too pushy
‘Cause when my eyes are stuck on marble,
We’re not sharing too much, really
I’m too sworn by my secrets
And I’m too lost in your mind
That I’ll never let these feelings swim to the surface
Exposing me
Exposing dreams
Exposing thoughts and all my hidden facts
Like I cried yesterday
And I prayed like I used to
When I’d stare out the car window on my way to school thinking how everything had died in nine sad months
I cried yesterday
And I’ll lie to you tomorrow
I’ll suck it up inside this vacuum of mine
But the truth is
I’m NOT too scared to try
I’m ready
Eager
Waiting
Praying
Changing
Everyday
But it shall never come
Because you may never say
What Daniel told our God that Day
I wrote you a letter once
But I threw it away within your file
Scared you might read it
And see past my smile
Hiding
Hiding
Hiding
Yearning and striving to do what is right
In His perfect sight
Lying and crying while sighing a blessing
Now that I know that your thoughts are not mine
These reflections are different
Foggy, then clear
It’s like the future keeps changing when our heartbeats are near
To each other
I see now, my flaws. My bitter tongue flares
I spit out these words like I don’t even care
But I do! Oh, I do! If only you knew how confused is this pen when my writing ‘comes skewed
These patterns are changing and my methods are dark
He knows how I feel while I know what to do
How hard! How far? How far will I go before you beg for me back
I’m happy
I promise
And I refuse to deny you that right
You deserve it more than I ever will
It’s yours and you’ll take it with not one doubtful doubt
Maybe the only key to my thoughts are these words
I act like I’m strong, but I’m too weak to open
My mouth and answer one simple question
Fear controls mankind
Cuddles into our minds
The devil’s favorite trick under greed
It’s the seed of my failures
But I’m not scared to try
I’m scared of giving when nothing will come
Nothing can come
Because we’re separate skewed segments on two different planes
Flying away
Being fooled
Over
And over
And over
Again
Over
And over
And over
Again
So I’ll lay down the weapons and I’ll
Drive, drive, drive, drive
Follow and follow
Just to wait, wait, hide, wait.
So what if I cry a bit?
And who will know if I lied a bit?
That will not matter
Because I’m simply going to
Deny a lot
Over and over and over
Again
Over and over
Now read this
Again.