Sometimes

Sometimes
I don't want to be the role model
The good girl
The one shaking hands and counting heads and
smiling
I don't want to be the one smiling.

Sometimes
I don't want to go to church
and pretend like I know scripture verses
I don't want to sell Jesus to everyone around me
and act as though I've got it all together

Sometimes
I don't want to be the person everyone stares at
The one who always has all the right answers
The one who cares so much about which letter ends up on a report card
The one who can't stand to be anything less than exceptional

Sometimes
I don't want to be the understanding girlfriend
The conservative Christian
The one who needs to uphold her reputation

Sometimes
I want to break curfew
Drive fast
Yell at people who hurt me
Refuse to write a term paper
Swear
Be the bad influence
Stay out late on Friday nights
I want to cry so hard that I start laughing

But all of these wants are just that
And I could never break away from my true self

Not even Sometimes