Columbine.

I am the gun, but I taste the salt of peace
I see the fear, for I am the fearful
I see the tearful recognition of what is to come, yet this is the past and I am the future and she is the present unopened
Until she says, “Yes” to the question of the boy in the trench coat
I scream, “No!” to the falling body on the library floor
Of a school
I smile for her freedom, escaping this earth
For I am the earth as well as beyond
My body feels Heaven like the chains of Perdition
And now I am her, dead on the ground as the boy in the trench coat stands above me
Bitter by the love of Divinity
I am the death, I am the killer
I am the victim, I am the innocent
A lonesome tree with leaves blowing in the wind before the axe tore me down just as her body hits the carpet
My finger struck her down with one pull of a trigger
And I am the tears pouring out in every eye throughout the world
I am the prayer whispered by all mouths
I am her fate from her acceptance of a Divine Entity, admitting the belief of a God
Torn between toleration and exclusion, I have killed her
Torn between a choice of the body and soul, I have destroyed her
And torn between Yes and no, I am the Killed
Do I believe in God?
I believe in the living
And have seen Death in front of me!
O! Bleeding out a scream of choice
The villain in the trench coat chose no
Do I then, choose no?
She chose Yes
And so I too, Choose Yes.

Name

i write the name on paper
look at it.
fold it.
crumple it.
forget it
burning in my pocket
screaming out its being
showing me a face
showing me a lie.

so i look for a fire
i search for a flame
burn it
burn it
burn it, it says
even the name knows it must not exist

i need

to burn it
sprinkle the name in ashes
letting them fly away from me
letting its existence fade
kill its memory
strangle it away from my dripping eyes

i cannot hear the whispers anymore
i cannot see the glares
i cannot taste the salty tears
i cannot touch the flame now

it's gone
it's gone
it's burnt
please burn
please go
please leave
please die

i'm free

Scarred

Inside myself, I go again
Inside myself, I sleep
Where no one dare intrude again
Or watch me as I weep
I'm breaking from the crowd again
I envy all I see
The people in my emptiness
Excluding all of me

The days go on in soundless cries
I sink in sand, alone
Cutting through my skin, I find
I've lost my own Divine
I've lost the ones I truly know
I'm scared I'm on my own
I'm scared that I'll be left behind
By all who come and go.

If you could only see the pain
The broken, scarred, red skin
The circle of my eyes so dark
That mirror all my sins

You'd simply laugh an empty sigh
You'd breathe in night's clean air
For you have lost the will to care
But lately, so have I.

It's nice to not remember you
With razors by my side
It's nice to sleep away the sun
With pills that run and hide
Through veins, I claim my own demise
You could have let me in
But now I choose to leave before
You cut me
Once again.

Bitter Sea

Bitter sea,
please silence these emotions
and let me taste that salty sleep
drowning into ocean deep
My heavy heart will be the weight
That carries me to earthly fate

Down, far down, I'll sink unbound
Yet won't float back for one more sound
Instead, I'll hear a seahorse neigh
And hear the jokes the clown fish say
Laughing, while the water moves
down my throat, the salty blue
gently filling up my lungs
to wash the air right off my tongue

And then I'll know it's time to pray
a goodbye song to all this pain
Goodnight to stars that shine like day
with shimm'ring light upon the waves

Goodnight, dear sea, a deathly sigh
Goodnight, soft ocean, my heart now dies.

Wilted Rose

Broken Fingers
Broken Toys
A Broken girl with shattered joy
She hid away as secrets flew
She hid beneath a darkened truth
I see her pass the hallways, scared
Those big blue eyes, that long blonde hair
Her lashes blink, her soul does stare
Into space while gossip flares
When night creeps in, then whispers fly
She's looked at where the pills do lie
And now as sin is breaking through
Ripping at her skin, unglued
She feels as though a war's been lost
She's emptied and denied her cost
Wilted Rose, your mask is frail
But so much lies beyond your wail
He is here, He'll watch you die
And then He'll bring you forth to Life

So sometimes when myself, I see
A trace of me within her grief
I start to muster prayers of aid
That maybe I will one day change
I'm sorry, mask, I've used you so
But please don't let me see you go
To where I'm not yet free to be
Within His arms, beyond my Grief.

On My Mind

Do you know who you are?
Do you feel like I'm here?
In your breath, in your hair
In you dripping black tears?

Is it wrong that I miss you?
When you're standing right here?
When your arm brushes past me
And I can feel every hair

I'm the past that you've covered
I'm the laugh you last muttered
When the jokes you did sputter
Came so blatantly clear

So I'm sorry for hoping

I'll stop pushing and pulling

And waiting that some day

You just might reappear.

Storm

I sit here and watch the flickering sky
I sit and I wait, with eager, wide eyes
I sit as I feel the rain fall around
'Cause I'm breathing in summer
As time makes me drown

And sometimes I feel like a fly on the wall
Unoticed, uncared for, unstable and small
Each laugh is a blessing
Each silence, a brawl
And I'm tired of sleeping while thunderstorms call

It's the mem'ries that cheer me from the past that's my fate
I've enjoyed all my mournings, but nights bleed too late

I'm afraid of the future
I'm afraid to be wrong
But the cool summer wind echoes simple, soft songs
To my ear, with the melody
One whisper is clear
Soothing my body
Saying, "Sing along, dear."